Sorry about the absence from the blog here, but, as usual, I've been fairly busy. Between work and home, I wonder how I will ever keep up when the baby comes. From what my friends and workmates have told me, they also had the same fear. The consensus seems to be that, like everything else, you just do what you need to do.
In the post below, Jenn related our unplanned trip to the hospital and what that entailed. I wanted to wait until she said something before I chimed in on that evening as I think it was her story to tell. As for me, I was also frightened, but I had the feeling that nothing was really wrong. Everything up until that point indicated that the baby was healthy, developing normally and that we couldn't hope for a better pregnancy. With those thoughts in mind, I just couldn't bring myself to believe that, suddenly, something was amiss. However, I wasn't fully convinced until the moment the nurse applied the fetal monitor to Jenn's belly and we heard that now familiar fast-beating heart. I knew then everything was alright.
One thing in particular that was not alright about that evening (besides the general scare of being at the ER) was how I felt I was treated by the attending nurse. By the time we left the hospital it was around midnight, we were exhausted and I didn't think much about it. I mentioned it to Jenn on the way home, but didn't really start thinking about it till the next day. Now, I was extremely happy about the way Jenn was cared for and treated while we were there, so I have no complaints in that area. However, I felt I could have been an inatimate object for all the attention that I was paid during our nearly two-and-a-half hours we were in the room. In that whole time the nurse spoke directly to me twice -- once to say something I can't remember and the other time to tell me there is a remote control for the tv on the bedside table.
Justifiable or not, this irked me. As if I was just going to sit back, relax and watch the tube while my wife was laying not two feet from me worrying about the health of our baby. Jenn was, rightfully, the focus of attention that evening and like I said, I was very happy with her treatment. But at the same time, I would like to believe that my presence serves some purpose and I want to be involved during the pregnancy. Unfortunately, the nurse did not even include me in any of the conversations she had with Jenn while we were there.
I don't know...maybe it was just that particular nurse, or maybe she wasn't really trying to exclude me, or maybe that is standard procedure and it really bugs me because I want to be involved and even though I'm not pregnant, I am still a part of this event. Anyway, sorry about the mini-rant...I'm just hoping that night was not indicative of our future visits. Hope I'm not being a prat.
I finally started reading "The Expectant Father", which was loaned to me by Tracy's brother, Dan. I'm a little late starting into it, but I had to finish reading Harry Potter! The book is great so far, although it is going over many of the things Jenn has already been through, but it is still very informative. I was a bit hesitant to start reading these parenting books, mainly because it would make me realize how much I don't know and then I would freak out and feel like I need to ready every parenting book I could get my hands on. That is the classic engineer in me -- I need to know exactly how to do everything. I am slowly coming to terms with the fact that I'm just going to have to wing a lot of stuff from here on out!
Oh, and how cool is it to feel the baby kicking mama's belly?! Such a trip.
8th grade graduation
4 years ago
3 comments:
When are you guys gonna post cute pregnant pictures on your blog. I am going through Jenn & Doug withdrawls. I have the shakes and everything.
I was going to very soon as I just got my new camera! Unfortunately, it had an issue and is being replaced, so probably next week. For now, I have only one word of advice to you t-dogg -- medicate. =)
I frequently felt ignored by nurses, doctors, midwives, etc too during the entire pregnancy. It bugged me a lot too. I found though that if I asked questions, stayed involved and made a point of injecting myself into the conversation - not being rude about it, but letting them know I wanted to be involved - then they usually warmed up to me at least a little.
I don't think that asserting yourself in this way in any way makes you a prat, jerk, asshole, or whatever else you want to call it, providing of course that you stay out of the way enough that they can do their job without interference.
I don't think it was just this particular nurse. I think most medical staff treat anyone who isn't the patient as unwelcome baggage. (In fact, many of them treat the patient as unwelcome baggage too.)
The feeling of being left out continues after the child is born, btw - in many ways it gets worse. It can be really hard to deal with sometimes. I think dads really have to make a special effort (some in words, but especially in actions) to let everyone who is around you know that you are actively involved in caring for your child.
That said, you do have to remember that pregnancy and motherhood is an amazing, sacred thing. Every day, I am in awe of Hosanna and the awesome power she wields just by being Mommy. Nothing else comes close to it. The power of Daddy, at least for now, is nowhere close. So you have to let go a bit and allow yourself to be second/third fiddle for a while.
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